Over the past few weeks I’ve been in an internal struggle (really over the past year), but recently I’ve really been wrestling with some past sins and I’ve felt trapped. Everywhere I look I am reminded of the mistakes I made, every time I close my eyes I begin to beat myself up about the choices I regret. And it’s crippling. So, I’ve been desperate to move past this – to forgive myself and move on. And to ultimately feel forgiveness from my Savior.
But the thing is, He forgave me so long ago. When Jesus died on the cross, it was payment for my sins – the very ones trapping me now. My battle was won, and I’m no longer a slave to those mistakes. And if I truly believe in Jesus Christ – then I believe that His death was the beginning of my life. My life of freedom, my life of forgiveness and the life of living in grace.
It has taken me so long to get to this point. Days of feeling guilty, shameful, unworthy. Days of believing that I would forever be defined by my past mistakes. But that’s limiting God, believing all of these things is believing that the Lord is incapable of grace and forgiveness. And that’s just not true.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1:9 (NIV)
The Lord is the definition of grace and forgiveness. He never leaves, He never lets go – but we choose to believe the lies that our lives are made up of so much more than the Lord can handle, and that’s when we feel He is missing. When we decide to create an idol out of our guilt and shame, then we put our mistakes first and our God second or third. We believe that we are unloveable, unforgivable and ultimately unworthy. But, the truth is – the Lord knew all the mistakes we would make (and that we would do it over & over again), yet He sacrificed His son for broken people. People who would never be perfect. People who would turn their backs on Him. And still, because of His love for us, because of His grace – He gave his Son to pay for every sin. And therefore we are forgiven.
And forgiveness is freedom my friends. When I finally confessed to the Lord all that I had been “hiding” and ultimately asked Him to cover me in grace and forgiveness, He did it. The days and months of fighting with myself and feeling unworthy of a relationship with Christ were erased. Peace washed over me, and I can finally move on with my life. To be the light for Christ that I so desperately want to be. To wake up and know that it’s a new day and that I am no longer bound by the chains of past sins is refreshing and exhilarating and I look forward to the moments the Lord has in store for me.
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! – 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)
If you’re like me, caught in the trap of believing that your sins are too big for God, then you’re wrong. He knows everything about you, every sin, every fault. And He still loves you. He still sacrificed his SON for you. So don’t limit God’s power. Accept His forgiveness and move on. Live the life He has called you to live and do it boldly.
“Seems like all I could see was the struggle, haunted by ghosts that lived in my past. Bound up in shackles of all my failures, wondering how long is this gonna last. Then You look at this prisoner and say to me ‘son, stop fighting a fight that’s already been won.'”